It was my first year teaching and I was living in a VERY small community, Louisa, Virginia. Growing up, I'd always thought of South Hill as a small, one-horse town, but we had a Wal-Mart, McDonald's, Hardee's, Burger King, Wendy's, Pizza Hut, Food Lion, and Winn Dixie among other things. In Louisa, there was McDonald's, Pizza Hut, and Food Lion and that was IT. It was an hour to the nearest Wal-Mart and 30 minutes to the nearest Burger King. I knew NOBODY when I moved there, I was not familiar with the area, and, thus, I felt REALLY isolated.
This surprises people nowadays. They say, "But don't you live in *********?" I always reply with, "Yeah, but you've gotta understand, we have McDonald's, Hardee's, Burger King, TWO Food Lions, and we can get to the mall and everything else in 10 minutes on a BAD traffic day! There was NOTHING out there." Also, I came out here already knowing my aunt and my BFF from Longwood.
One of the main things I focused on in my disdain for the area, was where I lived. I rented a TEEEEEEEEENY TINY little shack of a house (here's the reference to Once In A Lifetime, "You may find yourself/ Living in a shotgun shack" I'm sorry, Susan, it WAS a shotgun shack! :) LOL!) from a sweet little old lady, the house was literally in her back yard. I'd been used to living in dorms at Averett and for the past 3 years at Longwood I lived in an apartment. Now I was required to pay $30 a month to have the grass mowed because I didn't even own a lawnmower and wouldn't know how to use one if I did. The house was way out in the country and it was set WAY back from the road on top of a hill. Also adding to my feeling of isolation was the fact that I didn't have internet, and couldn't get it where I lived. The wiring in the house was too old and they didn't even have the right ports or something or other for the new-fangled phone line a modem needed. I could only use the internet at school, and due to the ever-present firewall when one works for a school, I couldn't access the WHOLE internet. Luckily, I hadn't even heard of MySpace or Facebook yet.
I gained 50 pounds that year going through the WORST depression I've ever had, and hopefully, ever will have. I slept all the time... I'd nap for at least 2 hours when I got home and would still be able to sleep through the night, which I can't do anymore nowadays. I also ate like a horse. I passed by McD's on the way to and from school, so I'd very often get a Big Mac meal on the way home, and THEN I'd have dinner, after my nap. Also, something I can't do nowadays. I can't eat that much if I wanted to. On top of that, it was my first year teaching, so of course, it was really rough. I had to learn by doing, but I had no clue what I was doing, and I didn't get a lot of support. I felt like I was kind of thrown to the wolves and expected to fend for myself.
So, anyway, the wiring in the house WAS able to support my computer, albeit without internet, and CD player. I'd listen to Crash by Dave Matthews Band, and on that album was So Much To Say, "I say my hell is a closet/ I'm stuck inside/ Can't see the light/ And my heaven is a nice house in the sky/ Got central heating/ And I'm alright/yeah, yeah, yeah/Can't see the light/ Keep it locked up inside/ Don't talk about it/.... Open up my head and let me out/ Little baby/ Cause here we have been standing/ For a long, long time/...I find/ Sometimes it's easy to be myself/ Sometimes/ I find it's better to be somebody else.../ One year of crying and the words creep up inside/ Deep into your mind/ So much to say..."
Most of the time, I found it was much easier to be somebody else, because who I was wasn't working out too hot at the time. I was there for a year, didn't really have anyone to talk to about how rough it was, but after a year of crying, I opened up my head and let myself out and moved to the exact opposite of the middle of nowhere where I was... South Boston. They had every fast food restaurant under the sun, even Long John Silvers (gained another 10 lbs!), and I was in a townhouse style apartment two doors down from my childhood best friend, Lisa, and a block away from both of my grandmothers, and 2 of my aunts and 3 cousins lived in town as well. I was always running into someone who knew Nanny, Grandma, Aunt Debbie, Aunt Charlotte, Bill, Lauren or Scott, and after coming from somewhere where I knew nobody and nobody knew me, I loved it. I was even behind Ward (or Jeff?) Burton at the Food Lion one time. True story!
The weight didn't fall off, but I lost it over the 2 years I lived there. I've gained a little weight over the past 5 years, but that's after losing ANOTHER 25 after Lee and I met. I'm not anywhere close to as big as I was in 2001.
Now, SoBo wasn't perfect. I had other difficulties there, but I was taking a lot better care of myself and I was a lot happier. My house was MUCH bigger than a closet (it was even 2 stories!), I did not get infested with ladybugs every winter, I had a NORMAL non-claw footed tub WITH a shower, AND I had internet!
So much to say, indeed!
